She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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