yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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