is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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