I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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