Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
