Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
