Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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