I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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