I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize