dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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