I just pynch a tree in the face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize