I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
