wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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