Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
