At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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