Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
