I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I still have a little drunk in my system
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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