I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
