she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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