my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
