So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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