end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
