my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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