Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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