ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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