I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
