I got her a Nickelback box set.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
