sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
