I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
