elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
