dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
