yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Pants are for mortals
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
