im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
