Soap is not a condiment
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I love you. Go after that dick
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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