I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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