Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
