my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
