The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
