Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
