please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
