I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
