Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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