My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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