The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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