I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
