I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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