He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
