Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize