so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
