nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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