I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
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On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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