she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
