I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i will never coherently bang her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
