you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
