ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
