my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
