have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
