happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
