Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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