Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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