Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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