No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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